Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Word Meanings

The Washington Post published a contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Here are the winners:

1. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

2. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

3. Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.

4. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

5. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

6. Dopeler effect (n.), The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

7. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

8. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run

over by a steamroller.

10. Foreploy (n.), Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
obtaining sex.

11. Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

12. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

13. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

14. Glibido (n.), All talk and no action.

15. Hipatitis (n.), Terminal coolness.

16. Ignoranus (n.), A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

17. Inoculatte (n.), To take coffee intravenously.

18. Inspissator (n.), one who inspires covert micturation.

19. Intaxication (n.), Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

20. Karmageddon (n.), It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

21. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

22. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

23. Osteopornosis (n.), A degenerate disease.

24. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

25. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.

26. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

26. Reintarnation (n.), Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

27. Sarchasm (n.), The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

28. Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.

29. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

30. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.


Flowerpot said...

very good - brought a smile to my face!

Anonymous said...

I love it. Thanks for the laughs.

Spilling Ink said...

Good ones!

Angela Young said...

I've given up coffee ... so now I know why my friends are so relieved! Wonderful definitions.

Josephine Damian said...

Good ones! That's "the smile of the week."

Hope all is well, and that the muse has been kind.


Shesawriter said...

The first one is my favorite. :-)

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

...I don't come by often enough! These are a HOOT!

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

Did I mention how much I enjoy coming here? It's like "I love you." We don't say it enough.

Anonymous said...

WOO HOO! I love 'em! Thanks for the laugh.

Kay Cooke said...

Thanks - inspiring in a hilarious kinda way. :)

Jean said...

I have been flabbergasted many times and nearly ready to abdicate completely.

Maybe if I got some of that gargoyle and used it regularly, abdication wouldn't be such a sure thing.

I always wondered what they called that graffiti way up there.

I wonder if needing a flatulence will eradicate the likelihood of being flabbergasted?

Good collection.

Unknown said...

I sooo want to get an "I am a Bustard" T-shirt.

Jo said...

Now that was funny! Your blog is really fabulous by the way... loads of gold for me to take away and apply to my own life.
Kudos my friend!
- Jo

Jack W. Orf said...

Definitely laugh-out-loud hilarious stuff. Or is that "Hillarylarious" (I'm not touching that one).